about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
