Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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