hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
