Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
