Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
