For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
