I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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