Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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