im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You are a genius and a whore.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
