I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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