Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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