Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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