"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
