Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
