that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
