No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
