escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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