I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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