he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
