Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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