That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
