you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
