People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
