Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
