thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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