I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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