I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
