yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
