worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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