He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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