Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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