i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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