Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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