I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
