well I can't set my house on fire every night
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
