I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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