after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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