If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
