Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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