Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
