Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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