Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
