I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
