I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
