you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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