totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
