then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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