why didn't you poke me back
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
