Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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