Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize