How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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