I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
