I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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