Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
