yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
