you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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