The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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