You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So here I am, sexting at work.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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