i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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