worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
