so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
