my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
