Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
