"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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