I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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