I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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