I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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