I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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