READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
