Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
