I need to stop coming to work sober
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
