I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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