god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
