Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
