I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
