Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
