This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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