I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
