Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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